Creative Ways to Get Your School-Aged Child to Talk About Their Day

Do you struggle to get your school-aged child to talk about their day?

“How was your day at school?”

This common question asked by parents is often met with the same response… the dreaded one-word answer of “Good” or “Okay”.

You likely want to have open communication with your child but perhaps you’re not sure how to make that communication happen. Moreover, when your child attends after-school daycare, they have more activities and events to juggle in their heads. Which means you’re more likely to get a vague response.

This article will provide you with some useful tips to get your school-aged child to talk about their day.

ALLOW YOUR CHILD TIME TO PROCESS THE EVENTS FROM THE DAY

The moment you pick up your child from after school daycare is not the best time to ask your child about their day. Allow your child to have some time to decompress after you’ve picked them up. You can use this time to tell them you love them, missed them, and thought about them during the day. 

Don’t feel the need to fill the time on the drive or walk home with conversation. Your child might need some quiet time to process the events of the day.

CONSIDER HOW YOU INQUIRE ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S DAY

Whether your child was at school all day, attended the after-school care near you, or was at school and after-school daycare, it is important to consider how much has possibly occurred during the day. 

Even as adults, we sometimes get overwhelmed by how much we experienced in the day and struggle with disseminating which information to share. 

For a child, this struggle is so much more complicated. While they could have loved art class today, they might have gotten in a fight with their best friend at morning recess, only to be reconciled by afternoon recess. They may have spilled their milk in the lunch room and were told to clean it up; were chosen last for the dodgeball teams, and got a 92% on their math quiz. 

What information can or should they share becomes overwhelming. So to avoid making a decision as to what to share, they might choose to give a vague response that satisfies the adult who is asking this question of them.

Instead of asking “How was your day?” maybe try the approach of:

“What was a highlight from your day?” and “Can you share a lowlight of your day?”

By asking these two simple questions, you are helping your child narrow down and hone in on a couple of events from the day.

DON’T PRESSURE YOUR CHILD

Don’t pressure your child to share details about their day. They may not want to talk about everything that occurred. Allow them the space and opportunity to keep some information to themselves.

PLAN OPPORTUNITIES TO CONNECT WITH YOUR CHILD

Sometimes our children might not talk to us about their school day or the events at after-school care because they aren’t given the opportunity to safely connect with their parents. 

Invite your child regularly to colour or play with you. Amazing conversations can crop up while colouring a picture or building with blocks! Try it for yourself!

Another way to connect with your child is to plan occasional “dates” with them. Take them out for ice cream or hot chocolate. The change in scenery and casual atmosphere may lend itself to more open conversations.

BE AWARE OF HOW YOU REACT

Sometimes our children may stop communicating with us because they’ve experienced a parent’s adverse reaction to what they’ve shared. 

So, even if your child expresses deep frustrations and hurts, it’s important to not overreact. 

Listen openly and non-judgmentally. 

Use open-ended questions and “I-messages” with them to get clarity on what they’re expressing and how they’re feeling. i.e. “It sounds like when you were chosen last for dodgeball, you were disappointed and perhaps feeling left out. Is that right?”

LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO BUILD EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 

Intense emotions are easy to detect, but it’s important to be on the lookout for subtle displays of emotions and use these opportunities also to emotion coach your child. These are teachable moments and emotion coaching is likely to prevent situations from escalating.

If your child shares that they want to play with a child at their afterschool daycare, you can invite them to think of ways to navigate this situation. 

You can ask them to consider how to invite this child to play with them. Help them imagine how they would want someone to connect with them. Let them talk about and brainstorm the situation but try to refrain from giving too many ideas or solutions. 

CLOSING THOUGHTS ON CONNECTING WITH YOUR CHILD ABOUT THEIR DAY

As parents, we need to be mindful of how we approach our children by asking them about their day at school or after-school care daycare. So, it’s critical to invite our child into conversations without pressure, judgment, or too much expectation. Your school-aged child will talk to you about their day once you begin using these tips and strategies!

Bambini Learning Group is a Reggio-inspired, holistic child care program located in Edmonton, Alberta. Their vision is to inspire families to live healthier, more meaningful lives. Through innovative, holistic, and supportive resources, Bambini is helping children live the authentic childhood they deserve. New locations coming soon! Contact Bambini for more information about their unique, holistic child care program at [email protected], or book a tour to see Bambini for yourself!

JENNIFER BLY

JENNIFER BLY is the Communications Consultant for Bambini Learning Group, a published author, and creator of The Deliberate Mom, a website full of parenting and homemaking inspiration. Jennifer has over 20 years of experience in the Early Childhood field. In addition, she holds a Bachelor of Applied Human Service Administration Degree with a specialization in Early Learning in Child Care.